Coping

COPING How do you cope so well...But you seem to be coping so well! You seem great, how do you do it? I heard this so many times, and even find myself asking others, how are they coping when they've gone through a trauma/loss etc. I used to just think, well we have no choice but to cope. Surely, if we don't we will stop. If we stop we can't enjoy life, and life is already too short not to enjoy every single moment. So we just have to cope and get on with things. There is no other way! But then over time, I have realised sometimes I “coped” way too well. I found coping mechanisms, that became plasters...stop gates even, to a flood that once unleashed at times felt never ending. My go to was busying myself. Giving myself more and more to do and get done or immersing myself in the tasks I had to finish so much that I couldn't stop and think about what had just happened, (or maybe happened a while ago! There is no time limit on using this coping mechanism.) I was always a busy person, and enjoy having massive variety and a busy schedule. I never realised that I needed rest. And as time has passed I have actually learnt to enjoy time out, my own company and giving myself time to think, feel and more importantly just BE! It has taken (and still takes) practice and awareness. It doesn't happen over night and actually for me being alone was something I didn't enjoy, linked to the loss, and separation and sadness. Now, I long for quiet and time to reflect, be still. We all of course cope in many different ways, but I think a common thing is distraction, however that distraction comes. Here I am simply talking about being busy. The need to be busy. The attachment to that. But we all attach to different things, people, solidarity, alcohol, drugs, a partner, work, exercise, shopping, it could look like a million different things. In a life where we are constantly over loaded with tasks, chores, work, life admin, friends, family, social media, information overload, travel, financial responsibilities, and more....we all definitely need to take time where it is nothing but you. Nothing but you and maybe nature, or stillness, or quiet, or some soothing music, a warm bath, a time to just be without. Be without all the stuff that is constantly with us or just round the corner or at the back of our minds fighting to come forth.... So find a time, when you can be with you. Stick in some headphones, turn off your mobile, shut the bathroom door and leave everything outside....Or at least try, because the more you practice anything the easier it becomes. And most of all, know that you won't always get it right, but you may well enjoy it anyway. It won't always be easy or be enough, you may need more, but if we don't try to give ourselves what we need, noone else will give it to us or do it for us! I don't have the magic wand, the perfect pill, the easy answer...but I believe that we must try something different from what is no longer working for us, or was never really working in the first place. Breathe in, breathe out, and find the stillness between. Nameste xxx